Midnight Thoughts: Heartbreak and Moving On

00.22 A.M.

You ever get that feeling that life changes so fast that sometimes you don't even know what had actually happened?

A couple of years ago I went through a horrible break up. It was awful, having your heart broken into a million tiny pieces was terrible. I went through a full month of crying almost everyday, at that point my amazing sister recommended an App called Mend. Mend helped me move on. How? By distancing myself from him. One of the feature of this app is counting how many days since our last contact. The longer I managed no contact with him, the better I felt. At first, I couldn't distance myself from my ex. We spent 4 years together, was not easy to let go of that. I was holding on to something that's already broken beyond repair.

Heartbreak is far more insidious than we realise. Brain studies have shown that the withdrawal of romantic love activates the same mechanisms in our brains that gets activated when addicts are withdrawing from substances like cocaine and opioids. And since you could not have the heroine of actually being with your ex, your unconscious mind chose the methadone of your memories with your ex (Winch, 2018).

Our relationship had turned toxic. We were already co-dependent to each other, one of the major reason we held off breaking up for so long. A couple of weeks after the break up we tried to remain friends, failed miserably. He was crying, and I was crying too. It was heartbreaking. Sounds stupid when I think about it now but my 16 years old self (pardon me, I was young) actually thought we had a future together. Of course, memories lingering in my mind of our times together especially towards the early days after break up. Slowly, I realised I was looking through a rose-colored glasses. I was romanticising, idealising. Your mind will tell yourself that the relationship was perfect but it wasn't.

Somehow I managed to move on. Yes, I did. I started small, I hung out with my friends more. I was focusing on my well being more. I was doing one of the things I've always wanted to do, english debate. I joined two varsity level debating competitions, and managed to break to semifinals. I was surprised at what I was able to accomplish. I started to take more opportunities and slowly but surely being on my own doesn't seem too scary.

Now, I understand that relationship takes effort. If one of two people decided it was over, it was. Relationship takes both sides in order to work. I learnt the hard way that you can't make someone change. Still, I'm happy I fell in love, and was loved back.

Heartbroken people, I know this sounds cliche but time will heal your heart. It may take a long time but I'm an optimist, you will get through!

Reference:

This TEDx Video: How to fix a broken heart | Guy Winch

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0GQSJrpVhM